The first couples therapy session primarily focuses on introductions, mutual understanding, and setting therapeutic goals. It provides an opportunity for you and your partner to meet the therapist, present your concerns, and establish a safe environment for future work.
What happens during the first session?
- Introductions and ground rules: The therapist will introduce themselves and explain the therapy process, confidentiality principles, and session frequency. It's important to understand that confidentiality in couples therapy differs from individual therapy. The therapist typically does not keep secrets from one partner at the expense of the other, as the goal is to build transparency and trust. However, these rules can vary by therapist's approach, so always clarify.
- Presenting concerns: The therapist will ask each partner to present their perspective: why you've come to therapy, what problems you see, and what you wish to change. It's crucial to listen to each other without interruption or judgment. This allows the therapist to understand your relationship dynamics.
- Goal setting: The therapist will help you establish collaborative goals for therapy. These might include improving communication, rebuilding trust, developing conflict resolution mechanisms, or other issues. Remember, couples therapy doesn't promise to "fix" relationships, but rather provides tools and an environment to improve them.
- The question of individual sessions: Some therapists may suggest one-on-one individual sessions with each partner to better understand individual history and perspectives. This is normal practice and helps the therapist form a complete picture.
How to prepare for the first session (3-minute preparation for each partner)
While there's no need for detailed planning, a few simple steps will help you use your time more effectively:
- You (each partner individually) consider:
- What brought you to therapy right now? What is bothering you most?
- What do you want to change in your relationship?
- What are you willing to do for those changes?
- Discuss together (briefly):
- Agree that you both want to work on the relationship.
- Decide who will speak first or how you will take turns presenting your thoughts.
How to start without blaming
During the first session, it's very important to avoid a blaming tone. Instead, focus on your feelings and needs using "I" statements. For example, "I feel that we communicate less," rather than "You never talk to me." This will help create a more constructive atmosphere.
What happens next?
After the first session, the therapist may suggest a plan for future sessions. This usually involves regular meetings (e.g., once a week) and possibly homework assignments to practice communication skills or other issues. Remember that therapy is a process that requires time and effort from both sides.
When is separate support or safety planning more appropriate?
It's important to note that couples therapy is not always suitable for all situations. If there is physical, emotional, or psychological abuse in the relationship, or if there is a threat or coercion towards one partner, couples therapy may not be safe or effective. In such cases, prioritizing individual support and developing a safety plan is paramount. In cases of abuse, you can contact support centers operating in Armenia.
Remember that psychotherapy involves collaborative goals, and the therapist's role is to guide you, not to impose solutions. Some psychologists work with couples or families depending on their training.
If you are ready to start, you can find specialists in the Minder database.
After the first meeting, each partner can note whether they felt heard, what goal was discussed and what question remains open. Bring those notes to a follow-up conversation if you choose to continue.